Hindering me

I dont know what happened today
But everything seems to have gone away
I try my best to make my voice heard
But all you command, is no more words

I understand you are scared of what to do
but dont you realize your words hurt me too

What can I say when all you see
is that boy that left one winter
You say all you want to do is help
all that happens is you hinder
All my feelings are untrue
And I feel me start to splinter
I can't tell you how I feel without you hurt
But all the words just seem to hinder

While I sit in my room and cry
All I can do is wonder why?
"Why would you built me to be hated, God
When I already feel left out and odd"

If I had a Genie, I want one wish
So that they could see I'm not selfish

What can I say when all you see
is that boy that left one winter
You say all you want to do is help
all that happens is you hinder
All my feelings are untrue
And I feel me start to splinter
I can't tell you how I feel without you hurt
But all the words just seem to hinder

I know you try your best, I'm working at it too
But still when you cast your spell, everytime I see you
Look at me if you still can
The boy you once knew is now a man
So now it seems to be the hardest part,
Say Goodbye and break both our hearts

What can I say when all you see
is that boy that left one winter
You say all you want to do is help
all that happens is you hinder
All my feelings are untrue
And I feel me start to splinter
I can't tell you how I feel without you hurt
But all the words just seem to hinder

What can I say when all you see
is that boy that left one winter
You say all you want to do is help
all that happens is you hinder
All my feelings are untrue
And I feel me start to splinter
I can't tell you how I feel without you hurt
But all the words just seem to hinder

Quotes from Eric

One constant thing. People are going to fight. We can try to make peace but even in that way we will disagree. So we will always fight, the only thing we can try to do is prevent it from escalating to a level that is beyond our control.

Eric Allman

Shit happens, just make sure to clean yourself up afterwards.

Do you? Wonder Qui ero?

The hardest part of growing up is deciding who you want to be. You feel pressures that are really nonexistant and forces unknown. But through career paths and talks of salary who will you be as a person. I look at myself in the mirror and I see a boy who is the spitting image of a man who has struggled and fought. I used to complain that I never wanted to be like this man, my own father.
Today, I sat down and really thought to myself, would it be such a bad thing? Throughout the drama of life, he has managed to keep a level head, an open mind, a patient demeanor and a loving heart.
My own father would go through things few others would. He loves his family more than he loves himself, a feat rarely seen in today's world. And when you finally tell him these things, he will shrug them off in true humility. He is not afraid to let the world see him angry, or sad or even cry. In today's world of stoic masculinity and the ideal rugged man, the thought of a man crying shows he is weak or sissy, or heavan for bid gaywad. He lets his emotions show in goodness to others and himself.
At the end of the day, I really wonder if I could be a fraction of the man he is.
I love you, Dad

The Quiet of my Mind

As the dark closes in, the slate is clear
Sometimes I wish you listened to the thoughts I hear
As I sit alone in this bed for two
all my thoughts return to you

I know I said things, I won't say again
But let's make up and not pretend
that we aren't creatures of our passion
Before we end up Cashing in

I hold my arms wishing you here
But just my thoughts wont bring you near
I wish you would creep up from behind
and bring the quiet to my mind
as my thoughts race like leaves in the wind
the words we said dont even begin
to settle it down, they just remind
Me I wont have the quiet of my mind

I know we said we wouldnt fight
then why the hell am I up so late tonight
They all said love is struggle and pain
But at the end we'd have the gain

While I sit alone, with the pillows of my bed
All the thoughts of you dance through my head
I said I'd be strong as I want to be
but right now I'm feeling so needy

I hold my arms wishing you here
But just my thoughts wont bring you near
I wish you would creep up from behind
and bring the quiet to my mind
as my thoughts race like leaves in the wind
the words we said dont even begin
to settle it down, they just remind
Me I wont have the quiet of my mind

I can wait til the morning for you to say I love you
Keep these words to myself, and you will never know
That these thoughts I keep in my head are too
dangerous to us, When we already said so

But I'll stay here writing these words
hoping somewhere someday they will be heard
but this text screams so much more
than any thing than I did before

I hold my arms wishing you here
But just my thoughts wont bring you near
I wish you would creep up from behind
and bring the quiet to my mind
as my thoughts race like leaves in the wind
the words we said dont even begin
to settle it down, they just remind
Me I wont have the quiet of my mind

A meditation Part 3 Intelligence

With intelligence comes misery. Ignorance is bliss. The truth behind these sayings is more than any can bear. True intelligence is hard to manage, the pain of reason, the cold of truth, and the harsh comfort of logic. This is not to lament the gift of intelligence, but every gift has a curse. Gifts are just half of the coin. A curse is its other half.
All things have a cost, even money has a cost. The truth of life is that everything ebbs and flows with the rest of things, we have to give to take. This is why greed eats only itself. For when nothing is given, EVERYTHING is taken. Think of it, Everything changes and the things we stockpile will eventually die.


 Habere est alienare. Nihil commutaverat.

Remember these things. For these are my words I hoped to be remembered by
Bi i dtiuin