Dear Mama

Dear Mom,
Today I am thinking a lot about the strength and characteristics that have been instilled on me. Endurance, perseverance, morality, respect. And in a world where women vary widely from shape and size to morals and values. I am glad that I had you as my role model.
I have a lot to thank you for starting with the beginning, My X chromosome. From that chromosome you gave me my intelligence, my spunk, my musical talent and much more. Then comes the next nine months. For almost a year you held me inside you to a final form. Completed, you went through the rigours of birth for me.
I know in the past I have done a lot to cause you pain but at the end of the day, I am glad I can come to you about anything and everything. Thank you, Mom, for caring about me so much. With pain and strife, you showed me that anything can be forgiven. Even when a sin tears a family to shreds, you brought us all back. Your emphasis of family gave me hope to one day have my own. Sometimes you do have to remind yourself you have to breathe but I think we are all allowed a fatal flaw.
You ran your own business while taking care of a rambunctious problem child and still was able to teach me about right and wrong. Duty and Honor. Want and Need.
I have learnt from you that people like us, with deeper emotions, have to be careful with them. They can drive us great distances but they can hurt people too. You taught me how to tell the truth, with varying degrees of success in the past due to student error. You taught me above all things how to love.
All in all you taught me things that I wouldn't have to learn the hard way. Lessons.
I know we have our differences, but I just want you to know I love you
Love,
Ink
PS Happy Mother's Day

Eric Quotes

The hardest part about life is actually living it.

Hindering me

I dont know what happened today
But everything seems to have gone away
I try my best to make my voice heard
But all you command, is no more words

I understand you are scared of what to do
but dont you realize your words hurt me too

What can I say when all you see
is that boy that left one winter
You say all you want to do is help
all that happens is you hinder
All my feelings are untrue
And I feel me start to splinter
I can't tell you how I feel without you hurt
But all the words just seem to hinder

While I sit in my room and cry
All I can do is wonder why?
"Why would you built me to be hated, God
When I already feel left out and odd"

If I had a Genie, I want one wish
So that they could see I'm not selfish

What can I say when all you see
is that boy that left one winter
You say all you want to do is help
all that happens is you hinder
All my feelings are untrue
And I feel me start to splinter
I can't tell you how I feel without you hurt
But all the words just seem to hinder

I know you try your best, I'm working at it too
But still when you cast your spell, everytime I see you
Look at me if you still can
The boy you once knew is now a man
So now it seems to be the hardest part,
Say Goodbye and break both our hearts

What can I say when all you see
is that boy that left one winter
You say all you want to do is help
all that happens is you hinder
All my feelings are untrue
And I feel me start to splinter
I can't tell you how I feel without you hurt
But all the words just seem to hinder

What can I say when all you see
is that boy that left one winter
You say all you want to do is help
all that happens is you hinder
All my feelings are untrue
And I feel me start to splinter
I can't tell you how I feel without you hurt
But all the words just seem to hinder

Quotes from Eric

One constant thing. People are going to fight. We can try to make peace but even in that way we will disagree. So we will always fight, the only thing we can try to do is prevent it from escalating to a level that is beyond our control.

Eric Allman

Shit happens, just make sure to clean yourself up afterwards.

A meditation Part 3 Intelligence

With intelligence comes misery. Ignorance is bliss. The truth behind these sayings is more than any can bear. True intelligence is hard to manage, the pain of reason, the cold of truth, and the harsh comfort of logic. This is not to lament the gift of intelligence, but every gift has a curse. Gifts are just half of the coin. A curse is its other half.
All things have a cost, even money has a cost. The truth of life is that everything ebbs and flows with the rest of things, we have to give to take. This is why greed eats only itself. For when nothing is given, EVERYTHING is taken. Think of it, Everything changes and the things we stockpile will eventually die.


 Habere est alienare. Nihil commutaverat.

Remember these things. For these are my words I hoped to be remembered by
Bi i dtiuin

A meditation: Part 2 Defining Reality and Our Role in it

Belief. A word that has more turmoil attached by a history of love and war than any other. So many seek to covet it, so many others are eager to give theirs. Few are truly willing to speak out of its true nature.

People seldomly understand the true power of belief. From it we can shape the sheer fabric of reality. For how we see the world changes how the world is in our eyes. See it with eyes unclouded. Let not the opinions or judgements of others define your reality. 

The media today has now employed under it the use of my people, wordsmiths. We were reveered as magicians in Egypt, rebels in Rome. Our own founding fathers were trained to be such. Our words are made alive with each thought we have. So, as Ptah of the Egyptians did, we must learn to speak sparingly and only when necessary. Our words carry weight, and people see this. With our words we can and will shape others realities if they are not careful.

We need to learn that we must see something unbiased, nothing is unless we deem it is. The illusion of The Concrete is an illusion. All is nothing, and nothing is all. only what we define as real is real. From the sheer power of belief. We only agree on similar facts. Magic is magic because we agree its magic. Science is science because we believe it is science. That is what makes something Concrete. Agreement with the illusion. 

Remember these things. For these are my words I hoped to be remembered by

Bi i dtiuin

A meditation: Part 1 The Sense and The Source

Today I meditated and found something incredible
We all have an inate desire. One we try to quell with all the different things of this world; food, drink, sex, drugs, even daily tradition. In someways Religion is even used as a way to cloud this feeling of loneliness we all feel. The truth to this life is that this hole cannot be filled, but it can be tamed. For this whole feeling, this Sense as I will refer to it. Is alive
Emotions, one might think, cannot be alive. "You're crazy" is probably the first thought that runs through your mind. The Sense is so much more, it is a desire of something greater. Like it or not we are all created, be it by the Divine or by the moments between our parents. We were created it is a fact of our existance. In a way we are all artificial. Life generating from life, in a way we are all connected. That is why it is important to recognize life in all forms. We are all one. From the first spark of existence be it the will of a deity or a spark of energy from an unbalanced charge, we all come from the same Source. We have yet to find this Source. I guess the only way for us to find it is through our end of this phase. Life and the human will are shaping our reality. Our sheer power of belief has changed our world.

Remember these things. For these are my words I hoped to be remembered by
Bi i dtiuin

Do You?... Show love

I want you to think about one person in your life who you genuinely care about.
Got them? Great!
Go tell them you love and appreciate them. RIGHT NOW! I'm willing to bet it'll make their day.
We all need to be loved, and feel it. I have seen too much love be taken for granted, even in my own life. But, without letting people know how they are appreciated, otherwise they don't know how valued they truly are.
TELL SOMEONE THEY ARE LOVED!!!

Do you?... Love yourself

I want yall to think about something. You can't love anybody more than you can love yourself. So how much DO you love yourself. Are there parts of you that you shut out? Pieces you want gone and never return? Bits you think you'd be better without?
well here's a news flash. That's how much you can love somebody else. So my recommendation take an hour today to do things for yourself. Basically take a I love me hour.

Intolerance: The bigotry against Muslims

Recently, I was approached by the principal of my school because I told someone I had friends in the Middle East. Now, he didn't have an issue with their location. He had an issue with the fact they were Muslims.
Everyone reading this should know that I am a devout Catholic, I wouldn't convert even if my life depended on it. That being said, one of my best friends, Toqa, is a Muslim and she is the sweetest person with the most understanding heart in the world (nothing against you Dominka). We laugh together, cry together, draw together, write together, I help her understand my world and she helps me understand her world. When my principal told me that students didn't feel safe around me because I don't condemn their actions, I was sad. Don't get me wrong, I was angry, I was more sad though. I tried to assure him that I wasn't going to do anything to hurt anyone but I could tell that didn't change anything. About a week before, my history teacher went on a rant about how Muslims hate Christians. During that time, I left the room and didn't return until the end of the period to get my stuff and go to lunch.
Muslims aren't evil. The people that do evil things in the name of Islam would do the acts in the name of anything. I know I am going to get hate for this but I will say this, I am ashamed to be a Christian if that means I have to hate Muslims. I refuse to hate Toqa. She means more to me than anything else I know. I have known her for almost three years and I trust her. After my Poppop died, I thought no one could fill the void he left but she did. Her religion makes no negative difference. In fact it makes it easier to talk to her.
All this makes me proud to call her my sister through God. It was by His mercy I found a kindred spirit. For that reason, I refuse to evangelize to her. She is perfect the way she is. I will close with a quote from the Romans to silence all those Christians who would speak ill of our friendship.

But you who eat vegetables only--why do you judge your brother or sister? And you who eat everything--why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God

Romans 14:10 

Heart Breaks are hard

For Dominika

Hey Dominika,

I know heartbreaks are hard but you will get through it. 

Love ya!

Inertia

Inertia

Is it possible that inertia can be more than just a property of matter? Could inertia be the natural state of all things? When we wake we don't want to get out of bed unless something is happening. If that other thing wasn't happening, would we stir from our beds?

Don't we easily dismiss change, especially when we enjoy what is? It is hard to make a difference in our own lives because of our resistance. Could joy and contentment be the ultimate recognition of inertia? Could inertia be the force in our life which is unchanging? Inertia could be the traits passed from parent to child. The same traits that we can recognize as part of us. These traits show our unchanging lineage. Does that mean it is wrong to try and change them?

Is our resistance to change a reflection of the matter that comprises our form? Could this be a reflection of our fear of the unknown? Could our fear stem from our form? The order of the universe manifests as inertia, and chaos, entropy. Maybe entropy is the unknown and too much of it will destroy us. Yet we need it to survive. Is our need to face our fears due to the fact we need entropy as much as inertia? We are governed by complex laws we only begin to understand. They are so fragile and delicate , yet they are resilient because of the ability to resist change. Could our fear be one thing that can save us? Could anarchy be the ultimate expression of our fear? Could a government be the representation of our inertia? Is a democracy our attempt to create an artificial version of ourselves? Is a totalitarian government our need to have the stability we crave so dearly?

What do we truly fear more than the unknown? Some embrace their fear and chaos. They stride boldly into the new frontiers and places some could never imagine. If we were all like that, would we be a race today? Our inertia drives our society, our need for each other. While many concepts revolve around birth and death, life represents our order, our inertia. Yet if we were only inertia would we be the same person? No individuality, no unique thoughts? Is chaos the manifestation of our differences? We fear the unknown and the differences we have because we're afraid it will destroy us. But if there was no chaos, would there be an us or a me? Could our inertia be a force which can kill us as much as chaos? Perhaps we need both in order to be as we are.