Seeing the world differently

I think my problem when I see the world, I see with greater intensity than most. Every second is a new experience to discover the world. A new word to speak, a new idea to be had. For all my ups, there are just as many downs. I did not come this far without great peril. Some scars are too deep to heal quickly. Everyone loves the brightest colors, but nobody likes darker nights. To be open to one is to be open to both.
I want to believe that everything has its place in our world but it is not my job to see it all. My life is different, yes. I have had to see and do things that no human should have to see or do. This isn't some tumblr trash about my true gender identity and all that but simply a fact. While most people I know are off living their lives at college. I'm stuck here trying to hold lives together. Lying to protect others from the same pains I see everyday. When the day comes I can let someone in without hurting too much, I think will be a day too late. I am too slow to trust. I am too quick to cast out.
I can't change anyone else in this world, no matter what I try. I can assist as they change themselves but I cannot change them. In my mind's eye, every human interaction affects us. We all have shields. thought, that protect our identity. My shield is different. Instead of everything hitting me, I absorb it's energy, add it to my own and spit it out. Everything, we try to only filter in the good and leave out the bad, what if they were all the same thing. The good, the bad, the glowing reviews, the biting criticism.

Hard Work

I guess the bane of intelligence is the lack of a need for hard work. I didn't really know how to work at something until I was 17 when I had to work on myself. When the owner of where I work told me I was a horrible worker, I looked within and hit myself over the head by running through what I know. Now I realize it is two things: there seems to be no reward for hard work and loyalty, I'm sick of being the one taken for granted. I have done nothing but keep going and help to the best of my ability. Some days are the days I haven't slept in 4 nights, others are the days I am 200%.

My conclusion, I work hard for those who work hard for me. Once that stopped, I stopped. Maybe I should not be so petty. It is not all about me. I claim to know the value of work yet I am on here griping about myself. One thing I should remember is that I am small