Mistakes

The hardest mistakes are the ones we could have prevented. You look back and tell yourself this could have been prevented. I had such mistakes and I dearly paid for them. They came between my family, the caused me to yearn for their approval. I would constantly do things for them but that wouldn't change a thing. I sit here today torturing myself because most of my issues stem from my stupidity. I feel so alone but at the same time I can't let anyone too close, it hurts too much and I cant trust anyone anymore. But ultimately it's my fault and that is the whole of it

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa

A thought for the evening

Over the course of politics and identity crises, there are more important things on my mind. I think of the other people in this world and what kind of legacy I leave. Will it be a good? Who have I hurt, Is my time being spent well? Do the people I care about know I care? Oh well back to numbing the throbbing questions with puppy videos til I fall asleep,

Quotes from Eric

One constant thing. People are going to fight. We can try to make peace but even in that way we will disagree. So we will always fight, the only thing we can try to do is prevent it from escalating to a level that is beyond our control.

Eric Allman

Shit happens, just make sure to clean yourself up afterwards.

Do you? Wonder Qui ero?

The hardest part of growing up is deciding who you want to be. You feel pressures that are really nonexistant and forces unknown. But through career paths and talks of salary who will you be as a person. I look at myself in the mirror and I see a boy who is the spitting image of a man who has struggled and fought. I used to complain that I never wanted to be like this man, my own father.
Today, I sat down and really thought to myself, would it be such a bad thing? Throughout the drama of life, he has managed to keep a level head, an open mind, a patient demeanor and a loving heart.
My own father would go through things few others would. He loves his family more than he loves himself, a feat rarely seen in today's world. And when you finally tell him these things, he will shrug them off in true humility. He is not afraid to let the world see him angry, or sad or even cry. In today's world of stoic masculinity and the ideal rugged man, the thought of a man crying shows he is weak or sissy, or heavan for bid gaywad. He lets his emotions show in goodness to others and himself.
At the end of the day, I really wonder if I could be a fraction of the man he is.
I love you, Dad

The Quiet of my Mind

As the dark closes in, the slate is clear
Sometimes I wish you listened to the thoughts I hear
As I sit alone in this bed for two
all my thoughts return to you

I know I said things, I won't say again
But let's make up and not pretend
that we aren't creatures of our passion
Before we end up Cashing in

I hold my arms wishing you here
But just my thoughts wont bring you near
I wish you would creep up from behind
and bring the quiet to my mind
as my thoughts race like leaves in the wind
the words we said dont even begin
to settle it down, they just remind
Me I wont have the quiet of my mind

I know we said we wouldnt fight
then why the hell am I up so late tonight
They all said love is struggle and pain
But at the end we'd have the gain

While I sit alone, with the pillows of my bed
All the thoughts of you dance through my head
I said I'd be strong as I want to be
but right now I'm feeling so needy

I hold my arms wishing you here
But just my thoughts wont bring you near
I wish you would creep up from behind
and bring the quiet to my mind
as my thoughts race like leaves in the wind
the words we said dont even begin
to settle it down, they just remind
Me I wont have the quiet of my mind

I can wait til the morning for you to say I love you
Keep these words to myself, and you will never know
That these thoughts I keep in my head are too
dangerous to us, When we already said so

But I'll stay here writing these words
hoping somewhere someday they will be heard
but this text screams so much more
than any thing than I did before

I hold my arms wishing you here
But just my thoughts wont bring you near
I wish you would creep up from behind
and bring the quiet to my mind
as my thoughts race like leaves in the wind
the words we said dont even begin
to settle it down, they just remind
Me I wont have the quiet of my mind